Navy Wife Blog

Yes, I know it's been a few days since my last post. But, like I said before, when James is gone I am thrown back into single parent mode. There is more to do in what seems to be less time. James is not one of those men that are not plugged in. He is a VERY involved Daddy and he is all about Vanna when he is home. Not to mention that he takes on some of my most disliked household chores like Laundry, Trash, and Dishes! We thought he might be home a day early but, unfortunately he won't. I have not really slept more than an hour or 2 a night since he has been gone. I normally don't get past this stage until after the first month of a deployment so these little underways...means I am a tired lady!

Now, onto another subject. A more serious subject. For those of you who know me in real life know that I have been struggling with my weight for the past 6 years. I was diagnosed with PCOS about the same time I started having weight problems. Over the past 6 years my weight has continues to climb and climb. I have tried diet after diet and I can lose weight but have never been able to get past the 35 lb. mark. I am sick and tired of being FAT. It is NOT ME. I am tired of people treating me differently and I am tired of feeling like a lepard. EVERYONE under the sun has their own "opinions" and "advice" for me. THANKS....like I did not know my ass is FAT! Let me just say there is NOT a single bit of their so called "advice" or their "knowledge" that I did not already know. And by them shoving it on me time and time again really offends me and PISSES ME OFF!

I have finally just had ENOUGH. And I have made the decision to have GASTRIC BYPASS surgery. I have thought about it for a Long time, so it's not something that happened overnight. I know it is NOT a fast easy fix like some of you may think. It is painful and requires a lot of work on my part. I know the risks, and I know that being morbidly obese has greater risks. But more than anything I am tired of being trapped in this blob known as my body. I am tired of the stares and the snickers from people. I am tired of not being able to physically do the things I want to do with my family. And I am tired to death with people pressuring me to do things that I CAN'T even AFTER I explain to them. I mean do people really thing they are helping by always trying to force me into things. And get a clue, it's not that I don't WANT to do them, I CAN NOT. There is a HUGE difference. I want to be HEALTHY and active again and I want to be able to participate with my family and friends. I want to be able to travel and to not have all this anxiety and depression anymore. I want to be able to shop in a regular store for regular clothes. I want to be able to be healthy enough to get pregnant and expand our family. I want to LIVE again! Because right now I am simply existing.

So, I have found several doctors in my area that I want to meet and go over the details. I have a few questions and concerns. I need to get a referral from my PCM, which I need to get, and then do some lab work, and a Psych evaluation to make sure I am sane enough to make this decision. And then I can schedule my surgery. I talked to James about this before and he was dead set against it, but I have to do this for ME. He will have to come to terms with the situation and get on board. I have stood by him through EVERYTHING. I am always his biggest cheerleader and the ONLY one that backs him up, He owes me this.

So wish me luck and say a prayer. I am hoping to get this all done asap. I have let this weight to bog me down too long already. I am READY!